Next Stop: Happiness

Atototototot~~

I admit it - I'm a sucker for a good animation.

Especially when it has a great story like Wreck-it-Ralph.

I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it before, but I'l just say that the plot has so many twist and turns that it kept me hooked until the end.

I was especially hooked on the theme - Happiness

Happiness is a part of human life, an emotion that comes and goes like all emotions do. Even in the worst situations, our minds have a backup system that allows us to feel happiness after a while. If you don't believe me, watch the documentary "Happy" (It's on Netflix). Believe me, it's worth your time.

There are other facts too, like how money does not necessarily equal happiness, and how we feel the most happy when we are loved. I could go on and on, but do yourself (and me) a favor by watching the documentary..

But there is something else about happiness that eludes me.

You see, I've been trying to lose weight for a long time, and I admit it's in hope that I'll finally get girls to like me. It's not going that well (I'm still single), but that's not my point.

When I first started, at 160kg, I told myself I'd be happy if I just lost a bit of weight. Then I got to 140kg, but I still wasn't happy. So the next target was 120kg and a size 42 waist. I reached it, and still I wasn't happy at all. Flash forward a couple of months and about 5 targets later, I have now lost enough weight to shape another person out of my lost fat. But am I happy? No. 

I'm telling myself now if I get to 80kg I'll be happy. But I kind of know that I won't.

To tell you the truth, I haven't been truly happy in a long time. I've changed my body, but the emotional stress that comes with losing weight and hoping that my life changes drastically took a toll on my mind. 

A song that always makes me happy. Yes I'm a coldplay fan, deal with it.

Before the weight loss, I was really a jolly chap. Not that I didn't care at all that I was fat, it's just that it didn't really bother me. I didn't have a goal for my happiness, I just embraced it as it came and went. But things change. As I started to target each weight goal as a gateway to happiness, I became blind to the little things in life: that warmth in your heart during prayer, a good song whilst caught in the rain, having fun with friends; that kind of thing,

I used to love the little things. And I took pride in it.

Now all I am is cynical and spiteful; always comparing myself to other people.  That's just not right.

To find happiness, it must be treated as an emotion, not a destination. It'll come and go; when it leaves, don't forget that it'll come back. If you hope that it will come with an achievement and will stick around forever, you'll just be disappointed.

Now I'm not saying that weight loss (or whichever goal) is pointless and bad. It has it's benefits. Just make sure it doesn't take over your life, because noticing and appreciating the little things will bring you the most amount of happiness.

And most importantly; SMILE :)

Change :)

Gigantic me on the far left

I was looking through my old Facebook pics when I came across this.

WTFWHYAMISOBLOODYHUGE!

That was me at the peak of my obesity, at 160kg.

Goodness how times have changed.

I'm not exactly thin per se, but I've improved a lot from then. I actually have a face now.

In total, I have lost 65kg, making me a respectable 95kg.

Another 15 to go, and I'll be happy (I hope)

 

Me sandwiched between Elmo and Minnie

Ramblings

When I did this blog, I did it for self relief. So I'm going to bloofy well do a bit of self relief.

And whoever read that in another way, grow up damn it.

First things first: New York.

Pictures taken by Fatin Syahiera

Great city, great views, great people.

With oddly very cheerful homeless people.

But I didn't have a great time. 

I didn't sleep. Which makes me very cranky. 

By crankyness here I mean everything, from noises to people, will seem ten times more annoying than they really are. Up to the point where murder seems like a good idea.

But nothing I can't handle. Not like I haven't been sleep deprived before.

I would have been fine, with my dignity still intact, if only one certain son of a bitch could keep his bloody mouth shut. Because of him, I started to have sharp painful headaches every time he spoke, reminiscent of being hit in the head with a van. Many, many times.

Let's talk about friends.

Contrary to popular belief, I CAN be a good friend. And one way I act like a good friend is pretending that my friend's boyfriend is bearable even though he is one giant turd. 

But I've had enough. This certain turd has gone too turdy. 

I very rarely hate people. I'm now making an exception. Sorry bud, but I'd rather have a colonoscopy via my nose than see you again. 

I know it's bad karma. At least I'm not mentioning names.

Another thing about friends; I really miss my best friend. I rarely use that term, being a faux-macho guy, but then he really is the best friend I'll ever have. He's a brother to me. 

At the same time, he's the stupidest friend I have. Here's the thing: he's smart, smarter than me. If he actually bloody worked hard during Form 4 and not sleep his sorry ass away, he'd be with me, here in the United States, continuing our studies. We'd probably pick the same college. I know I would have. And I would be a totally different person: happy, confident, and charismatic. 

Ya Allah, I miss the dude so bad. If you're reading this, Imran Kadir, I just want to let you know that you're an ARSE.

Where was I? 

Ah yes, the trip. 

I had fun.

And that's about it. Nothing much to say.

Instead, I'm going to talk about emotions.

Again, contrary to popular belief, I do have emotions. Real emotions. Especially emotions towards other people. 

Now, the thing about emotions is that you really have no control of them. You learn how to adapt to them, but that's about it. I'm not talking scientifically of course, so don't go pointing to some b.s. psych study. FYI, I read them too.

One thing I do know for sure is this:

If you don't want to think about a person, don't bloody well go and spend time with them.

Sure, repressing feelings and hiding emotions isn't the most courageous and manliest thing I'll ever do. But I'd rather do that and not regret anything. Don't take advice from me though. You're probably more handsome, charismatic and better in every way than me, so go right ahead. 

Sorry, I'm not me lately.

So many things just don't make sense anymore. I haven't been creative in a long time and frankly I'm losing my self-identity. I'm nothing but a fat dude in big ass glasses at the moment. I really need something to feel like ME again.

Silver lining: I'm heading to Purdue to meet up with my producer (cheh!) during the winter break and we're gonna get damn creative.

I really do hope so. because I spent $200 on the bloody tickets alone.

Chicken Fajitas

Chicken Fajitas, straight from a Jamie Oliver recipe.

I know they don't look like much, but honestly they tasted great.

And they kept me full. And alive for that matter.

So who am I to complain?

Home Italian Cooking

I haven't been blogging much lately.

Not that I've given up on it. I've just been too tired to do so.

I'm spending my Fall break in New Jersey this year, and it's been great.

Even had time for some cooking :)

It's basically spaghetti with seafood, peppers, mushrooms and tomato sauce.

I call it Spageti Bujang (Bachelor's Spaghetti)

Not the best, but  it turned out okay. If only I had meat it would have been much better.

Oh well, it'still a good meal for the night.

I'm really looking forward to New York tomorrow!

Science & Faith

I've never been to a concert before, and I'm glad this was my first. The Script were amazing. Since it was their last stop on tour, you could just feel them going all out. Danny's vocals were awesome live, much better than in the album. Who in the world is stupid enough to say The Script aren't awesome live?

I'm no concert expert, but I know how to tell which bands are good. And The Script are awesome.

But too bad the crowd was quite terrible. Honestly, where are all the guys? There were only girls and old people in sight. Come on guys, The Script are a great band who play great music. Don't let them go down in history as a pretty boy band who no-one will remember.

Now that's one down on my bucket list. Next up: Muse, Coldplay, Snow Patrol and maybe The Killers. 

Philly!

Philly. Trip. Was. Awesome.

So many things happened in Philadelphia I don't know where to begin.

So I'll just start at the end.

Me and my friend missed the 11 o'clock bus back to State College and had to take the 4 o'clock Greyhound instead. Another $18 out of my pocket :(

Having nothing to do, we went around Philly city center one last time.

At the city hall we were approached by a pair of preachers trying to make us believe in the Mother God belief (I don't know what's it called)

I don't want to go into detail, but the dude who tried converting me sure was a stubborn s.o.b. who didn't listen to my opinions and changed the topic every time I had a point. I had to cover my WTFJUSTSHUTUPIDONTHAVETIMEFORTHIS face.

But it didn't bother me, really. People have their own opinions.

Next, we visited the famous Reading Terminal market, which was near Chinatown. We stopped by Penang for some good ol' Malaysian food. Honestly, it wasn't that good, but you can't say no to food from home :)

More pictures and concert footage to come. My phone was out of battery most of the time so I never had the chance to take that many photographs :(